Okay, I’m going to be honest. I don’t know about you, but I can be pretty hard on myself. Somewhere, sometime I decided that whatever I’m doing is not enough—not good enough, not fast enough, not ENOUGH enough. In this face-paced era there are so many things to do—and yet—not enough hours, not enough energy. And so I race through life, trying to finish everything on my list, and there is always too much. And so I end up exhausted and ill.
And so, I FAIL.
I fail to achieve the standards I’ve set on myself, the standards I think others are holding me to. I hate admitting failure. Failure hurts. And so I carry around the shame and guilt of not achieving “the standards.” But then I ask, “Who set these standards? Where is God in this?” I relisten to all the accusations of failure echoing in my head and realise that He isn’t saying them.
And so I have to ask the question, “Why do I place so much pressure on myself to achieve? Why did I decide that I needed to cram that ‘one more thing’ in my already busy life?” I so easily find myself running from task to task—trying to “do enough”—that I forget to live in relationship. And then I realise that God isn’t asking me “to do,” so much as He asks me “to be.” To be in relationship with Him. In all of my achieving, I miss that.
And so, I find GRACE.
For some reason, grace is a bit difficult to sit with. Grace says something different from the familiar voices of accusation. It says, “You are valued. You are not a failure.” And then I’m reminded of what Christ said—“Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
And so, I REST.
I rest in Christ, in the knowledge that I am enough. If you are weary today, I encourage you to do the same. You are valued. You are enough. Take time to rest in Christ today.
The Angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them. Taste and see that the Lord is good. How happy is the man who takes refuge in Him!
— Psalm 34:7,8 (HCSB)
Sounds like the best camping trip ever.
“I am afraid I am not enough.”
Not enough. Those are the words I found scratched on a note in my old Bible today. And it still resonated even today. But even as the thoughts began to flood once again to my mind—all of my inadequacies, my failings, my fears—I heard the echo… “Enough… He is enough.”
Because the truth is, I don’t need to be enough. I just need to be willing. Because God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise. Because He chose the weak to shame the strong. Because His power is perfected in weakness. His grace is sufficient.
So Father, such as I am, take me, mold me, use me. Let me not falter. Let me not close myself off from being able to be used by you because of my own feelings of inadequacy. Because You are more than enough.
I feel that I have always been in a position of waiting. The feeling of anticipation is familiar long-time acquaintance of mine. Anticipation, but also impatience. It seems I am never content with where I am, but always waiting—wanting something that is dangling in front of me, just out of reach, sometime in the future.
And here I am, once again, impatient for the future. Anticipating the day when I will be moving to Portland and joining a ministry there. I look forward to working with the other amazing missionaries and pouring out myself to help and bless those who are marginalized in the world. Do I sound like an idealist to you? I suppose that I do.
I’m getting tired though. Tired of all this waiting. Because I’m not there right now. Because I don’t know when I will be there. And I suppose that is where faith comes in. “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for…” I hope for so many things. That I may be a light to Christ. That I may share His love with others. That I may do my part in bringing His kingdom.
The thing I’m realizing though, is that I don’t need to be waiting. Even though I am looking forward to joining an amazing ministry, there is ministry all around me. Right here. In a small town in Alaska. Hurting people needing a word, a touch, Christ’s love. So what am I waiting for? Even now, in this day, God has work laid out for me. What an exciting thought! Guess I’d better get to it!
My sister and I enjoying a patch of sunshine.